Amanda Todd Suicide - National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month

October is National Bullying Prevention Awareness Month.

It is also Breast Cancer Awareness Month, Canadian Autism Awareness Month, Pregnancy Loss and Infant Loss Awareness Month, National Cyber Security Awareness Month and so on. There are more than 40 observances this month, but Amanda Todd's suicide due to offline and cyber bullying has started a Canadian movement and trending on Twitter (#RIPAmandaTodd) to raise awareness of this age old form of victimization; especially since October is National Anti-Cyberbullying Awareness Month, too.

National Bullying Prevention Month History (2006 - 2012)

PACER's National Center for Bullying Prevention founded National Bullying Prevention Month in 2006. It was originally called the National Bullying and Awareness Week and scheduled for the 1st week in October. In 2010, the observance was extended to the month of October and renamed National Bullying Prevention Month. The goal is to raise awareness of the devastating effects of bullying in schools, homes, communities. Most importantly, it is a movement to stop bullying which damages self-esteem, depression, anxiety and can eventually lead to sexual promiscuity and diseases, drug and alcohol usage, cutting, eating disorders and suicide.

Amanda Todd Committed Suicide 10/10/2012 @ 15 Years Old

Amanda Todd posted this video a few weeks before hanging herself. It was taken down and then reposted on the YouTube channel where I found this video. Amanda had experienced years of bullying due to two mistakes she had made as a young teen. It is a tragic end to what some consider a situation where her parents should have taken better control (her mother is computer savvy and works in the school district), though most parents of a teen know that teenagers are the least controllable of all ages. Sometimes life's circumstances do not permit the to take such situations into ones own hands. In this case, an anonymous online stalker kept the "mistake" Amanda made going no matter what school she was in. Amanda Todd was just shy of 16 years old when she committed suicide; she was 12 years old when she flashed the boys during an online chat. Regardless, Amanda Todd's story is tragic and this video speaks volumes for many other teen girls that have experienced the same bullying from peers.

Carol Todd Speaks Out About Her Daughters Death - http://www.calgaryherald.com/news/Amanda+Todd+speaks+about+daughter+death/7386696/story.html

B.C. teen's suicide could lead to criminal charges
http://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/british-columbia/story/2012/10/13/bc-amanda-todd-suicide-charges.html

Tyler - Age 16 - Suicide Story

This video is from Tyler. He is a 16 year old cutter than turned to friends for help after considering the impact his committing suicide would have on his parents and friends.

Brooke DaLion - My Bullying Story

Brooke was a 16 year old High School sophomore when she posted this video (April 2, 2012). It shares how years of bullying affected her life (5th grade until sophomore year) and how she started to overcome this bullying problem after joining the school choir. Ultimately, it was the support of those new friends.

BULLYING VIDEOS / SUICIDE VIDEOS

YouTube has years of videos like these. Some with kids telling their stories by note cards and others feeling confident enough to literally "speak up" about the bullying and the effects it had on their lives. Bullying is NOT a new problem, but the following organizations, including McGruff the crime dog, are doing to help raise awareness and implement programs to stop bullying among teens, tweens and school age children.

StopBullying.gov
http://www.stopbullying.gov

National Crime Prevention Council
http://www.ncpc.org/cyberbullying

Pacer's National Bullying Prevention Center
http://www.pacer.org/bullying/

Bullying Prevention Resource Guide
http://www.bullyingprevention.org/

NAESP Bullying Prevention Resources
http://www.naesp.org/bullying-prevention-resources

Use these links ... Share these link ... Discuss with your children and educators. I know from experience with my children that schools are not always on top of the bullying situations as they should be; even if they have implemented an official Bully Prevention program. It is our job as parents to make sure these bullying situations are handled correctly whether it is your child that is getting bullied or your child is a bully. Additionally, make sure to monitor your child's Internet and cell phone usage for such situations. Make your teens understand that they need to delete any naked or risky pictures they receive because it is considered pornography and they can get in trouble; that they need to tell on the sender - if not the actual person - because it may very well be a bullying situation.


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Wordless Wednesday - Individualism - Thirteen Years Old Going On Thirty

Going Through Age 13 ... Again! Please Pray For Peace!

My second son turned 13 years old a few weeks ago. He didn't want me to post any pictures of his "special day" nor does he want me taking any pictures of him anymore. These may be my last for a while. This part of 13 is really a drag ... I am sneaking in these pictures of him for Wordless Wednesday today and a few more blog posts about his last few weeks (as soon as I get them written) because this is also a huge part of my life. They are pictures of him at a skate park (parent supervised) and they so project exactly who he is right now. His individuality and being understood have been mastered; now he is fighting for "respect" that struggles to maintain to give. He started fighting with us a few weeks before his 13 birthday. We laughed it off as testosterone kicking in, but ... REALLY ... I think this is on point. Any time I ask him what is wrong with him (when he picks a fight and then apologizes for it), he says "I don't know".

Don't get me wrong! He is still a very sweet boy on most days :) He is just not the same cooperative person that he was at twelve and I can tell that his teen years are going to be hard.

I am going through age 13 again ... it is frightening to me.

The funny thing is we are also going through the "teens" with our 15 month old baby. He has gotten quite "terrible two" lately :)

Please say a little prayer for us :)


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Wordless Wednesday | Size 14 Shoes | 18 Year Old Started College | He Feels Excited & Free

"What do you think? If a man owns a hundred sheep, and one of them wanders away, will he not leave the ninety-nine on the hills and go to look for the one that wandered off? And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off. In the same way your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish." Matthew 18:12-14 (NIV)


His face was serious, but there was a little smirk as if he was trying to hide his excitement ... No matter what his age, a mother knows these faces on her son :)


Ripping the paper so quickly it's a blur ...


A quick peak, but can't see the shoes through the tissue paper ...


Pure excitement that mom got the right shoes ...


Happy because they are the right size 14 shoes ...


This is my 18 year old son that started college yesterday (thankful to his Grandma for helping with this). He is 17 years older than our baby ... He is 5 1/2 years older than my middle son ... As the oldest child of a single mother and a boy that never got over his Grandfather's death, he has had a lot of pressure on those feet over the years and some teen issues, too ... Yet, he woke up earlier than usual and ready to go to class; he felt liberated, excited and proud.

HE FELT FREE ...

I feel so proud and grateful that he is coming around to his old self.

I can only pray that his little brothers can live up to those size 14 shoes :)



In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Boy, I Am Not Lois Griffin - Mommy Mama Ma Ma - Take That Game To Your Room!

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I'm not promoting Family Guy, but this little video clip is something that all mothers should see (watch video above) ... Moms, can you relate? I sure can. My baby does this in the mornings while trying to wake us up and sometimes during the day. He gives us a repetitive "da da da da da"and "maaaa maaaa maaaa" ... it is still cute!

This is not the point of my blog post today ...

Babies do this to get our attention because they cannot communicate any differently. They are expressing their need for an adult to help them (pick up, feed, hug, etc.). As boys are maturing, some of them do this same thing to getting a rise out of their mothers (play, show affection, etc.). You have to draw a line and redirect this to the proper verbal and physical actions if you notice that it is happening.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. ~ Psalm 68:5 (NIV)

I was a single mom with my first two boys (until my second son was 10) and my older son used to do this all of the time. Really! Not at the same annoyance level as this "Mommy Mama Ma Ma Ma Ma" that Stewie Griffin is exemplifying in this video, though he did do it well into his 2nd year of High School. By that time, it was a group of boys, spitting chewing tobacco and laughing when I said "ewe" and that I did not want it in my house, as well as numerous other rebellious scenarios. As I think back to when he was a very little boy, there was a crazy number of "booty booty" pinches I received while climbing the steps ... many farts I have ducked from room to room (gave them back to him, too) ... many burping competitions I attended ... sometimes I even received a soft kick in the buttocks (out of the blue) to "grind my rails". I can now burp, fart, catch and flip a leg faster than the average mom because my older son teased and taunted so much. I just took it as the way he chose to show affection, but that it came to an end when he started wanting to wrestle me in his middle school years and then more challenges came in the early teen years.

My boys are like oil and vinegar, therefore I understand that each child is different. Take what you need from my experiences or share with another mom if this does not apply to your family.

My younger son did not do the same. He did not take to burping, farting and whacking me unless he was trying to chime in with what he thought was play between his brother and me. On the other hand, he did try to show affection like this with his older brother. It was not accepted well by the older sibling and this is how I learned that this was an overall problem in our household. Regardless, my middle son was the child in that video. He used to repeat what he wanted over and over and over and over - throughout a day / week / month - even though I said "NO". He always questioned why he did not get his way. He would question until it started a fight with me. I did get this under control while he was in grade school, for the most part, but he still tries to use this tactic to get his way. I nipped it in the bud by letting him know that I am not going to argue with him and then send him out of the room with me (sometimes it is a case of until he has calmed down). He does not dare try to wrestle with me and only goes but so far in arguing a point. This is how it is right now. I will have to update this once he's in high school.

Why do boys do this to mom? Is it a normal part of their development?

As the stereotypes of what a boy or what man should be (depending on the boy child's age) set into their personalities, boys still want the same loving attention from mom. The problem is that some boys think is a "cool" or "manly" to behave as I have explained because they are immature and because some of us let them. They gravitate towards these behaviors instead of just giving mom a hug or snuggling like when they were younger children. My older son did still hug me and want to lay his head on my arm while watching TV on the couch. This was good, but the other actions came across as signs of affection when they were actually inappropriate and I should have redirect the playful signs of affection to the typical ways instead of burping and farting with him or letting him give me "love taps" as he was developing. It was cute at first, though became REALLY annoying and then led to some challenging situations when he became a teen. I used to laugh at it as harmless play and make sure to let him know when he is getting too hyped up or out of line with what is acceptable to me. I should have not laughed and set boundaries when it continued though grade school. I was a single mother at that time and do think that some of his behavior was his showing "love" to me. On the other hand, most often it was his goal to get a rise out of me; my son was testing his position as a male and also boundaries with me. He has always done the same thing to my mother. It is hard to determine whether or not it would have been this way if his Grandfather was there because my step-father died at the beginning of his Kindergarten year. I can share that my younger son rarely challenges like this and it might be the influence of his step-father in his life.

I wanted to share this experience in case you are noticing similar characteristics in your son(s); especially single moms trying to raise boys on your own. It is not that I did not try to turn my son's behaviors into hugs, kisses, conversations about what upset him, etc. It is just that I did not stick with it and thought that feeding into his behavior and playing back was the way to make him hug, kiss and keep the lines of communication open with me. I now understand that a mother needs to get this behavior "in check" as soon as possible else the boy will carry it over to how he interacts with you later in life. You are also putting girls and other female adults (grandmother, teachers, etc) at risk for the same treatment. Although it appears to be playful and expressions of love, it can become a form of manipulation and the way a little boy attempts to control situations and women as he becomes an adult.

Kindly make your son turn those burps, farts, love taps and temper tantrums into hugs, kisses and respectful conversation. Do not play back with him in this fashion because he does not see it as you intend it to be. Send him out of the room and only permit him back when he apologizes and lets it go on his own. Just remember that "I'm sorry" means that we are regretful for an actions and that we do not intend to do it again. Do not let your little boy keep apologizing for the same behaviors ... get some professional help if you notice that developing pattern.

Do you have advice on this subject or a similar situation to share? Let is know in the comment section of this blog post. You will help another mom raise a better man.



In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

The Girl Effect - Help Spread The Word

Watch the other video and learn how to "spread the word"
about the importance of The Girl Effect @ Viral Marketing Mom blog.

In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Pre-Teens, Teens | Boys & Moms

WHAT DO MY PRE-TEEN, TEEN AND I HAVE IN COMMON? BLACK COMES TO MIND ...

Well, since they are my sons, I would have to say that we have a ton of things in common. I am aware of our similarities, but I am sure that I've overlooked some commonalities through the years ... As of today, the color BLACK comes to mind and inspires me to write this blog post for other moms of teens and pre-teens; especially those judging kids dressed in black these days. They are not all Emo, Punk Rock and Goth influenced teens / pre-teens.

YES ... BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK!

As I was helping my pre-teen put away laundry and organize his dresser drawers, I noticed that he had SO MANY black items in his room. There are a ton of black clothes, hats, shoes, sheets, pillow cases, comforter, wrist bands, etc) and one pair of white sneakers with red and blue stitching. We just purchased these shoes, so they are a new addition to his wardrobe. Aside of some colorful "hand me downs" from his teen brother, my tween's personal wardrobe selections had really transitioned to dark colors over the years. The black is obviously the majority, but there are a few dark grays, hinter green and navy items. I guess this is not such a big deal to most, but it REALLY got me thinking!!!

"IF YOU DO WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE,
YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS GOTTEN"

Although my older son was adamant about wearing black or navy blue hoodies - instead of a coat - by 8th grade, he has always been on the more colorful side. He did eventually trade in the "all black" and "all blue" hoodies for more stylish designs ... Regardless, the point is that his apparel did not transition too dramatically by middle school and high school years. I do remember his refusing to wear cargo type pants in 6th grade, but he now takes pride when dressing up or in a relaxed style.

WHAT IN THE HECK IS THE POINT HERE ... ?

My point being that there were not dramatic indicators that my oldest son had reached his pre-teen / teen years. I was kind of oblivious to the fact that we would have some REALLY challenging stages throughout those pre-teen and teen those years. He appeared to be the same, colorful, fella from 6th grade to 10th grade ... that is until he began refusing to play the sports that he had always loved. We soon had more conflicts in the home; his activity and friend choices transitioned quite a bit, too. Keeping in mind that he went from private school to homeschooling in the 6th grade and then public schools thereafter, there were obviously a lot of influences in the pre-teen and teen years.

LOL, LOOKS LIKE THIS NEW TWEEN OF MINE HAS BEEN CHANGING SINCE THE END OF 4TH GRADE AND WENT ALL BLACK BY THE MIDDLE OF 6TH GRADE.

My middle son has had a few changes in interests over the past year and a little attitude has peaked since Christmas, but all in all he has been the same to me. I guess it would have been more put he began homeschooling around Christmas ... This has permitted me to keep closer watch on his activities, friend choices and newly developed interests (which have just been few new interests as he has always been rather fixated on the same things). Regardless, he was making some not so great friend choices and showing changes in his interest well before my 1st son started to gravitate to the "darker" subjects, music and trends. Does this mean that his transition in adulthood will move faster, too?

AS I SORTED THE TOO SMALL CLOTHES FROM WHAT FITS, GOT THE SUMMER CLOTHES AND COMPARED WHILE I PUT HIS LAUNDRY AWAY IN THE DRAWERS ...

I noticed that, although my pre-teen has already made some darker choices over the past year and 1/2, those shiny white shoes REALLY stood out to me. I could then see how many other colorful t-shirts he has been wearing over the past 6 months, as well as how many new responsibilities he has taken with stride as we are trying to prepare him for adulthood (yard work, caring for the dog, accepting and wanting to help with his baby brother, not arguing about having to home school, etc).

I FELT SO RELIEVED!!! NOT BLINDED BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THERE IS MORE TO COME, BUT CONFIDENT THAT THIS 2ND RUN WILL GO MORE SMOOTHLY ...

I know that my teen and tween are very different people (oil and vinegar in some ways), but they are my boys and we all have a lot of similarities. I had some rough teen years and never expected that my children would experience the same because I planned to notice and handle things better than my parents. All I can say now is ...

"C'EST LA VIA" ...

I suppose that I better start going though my post pregnancy clothing. I have REALLY taken to wearing a lot of black to slim out the chunky areas and feel more comfortable while getting puked on :) Hum, now that I put it that way ... I guess that I understand "goth" and "emo" a little better these days!!! Meanwhile, I should have remembered because it was "punk" when I was a teen :)

I GUESS MANY "FADE TO BLACK" AT LEAST ONE TIME IN LIFE!!!


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Sexting - Teens & Tweens

Breastfeeding has given me the opportunity to catch up on a few TV shows (Top Model, Law & Order, Pawn Stars, Being Human). Meanwhile, I rarely watch TV, so this is kind of relaxing. 

This month, I came across Dr. Phil on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). I'd heard a lot about him over the years, though never watched the show ... It's pretty good. Sexting was a subject on the show one night. I had seen the same on Law & Order one night. It was also an issue on Degrassi  (a show that I watch  with my tween). All of them reminded me of the time I busted my oldest son and his friends with some pretty explicit pictures on their phones. I didn't make a huge deal out of it (especially since the guys were hanging at my house and I did not want to embarrass my son), but I did briefly address the indecency of it with them. At that time, I did not know that this type of cell phone message is called "sexting" nor the numerous complications / issues of this trend (illegal, peer pressure, self-esteem issues).

What is Sexting?

Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. The term was first popularized around 2005, and is a portmanteau of sex and texting, where the latter is meant in the wide sense of sending a text possibly with images.(Teresa Edmond (2010-0221). http://www.northjersey.com/news/education/84932002_Parents__students_get__the_4-1-1_on_sexting_.html NorthJersey.com. Retrieved 2010-05-30)

Is Sexting Illegal? What does sexting involve?

Sexting that involves people sending explicit photographs of themselves to their peers has led to a legal gray area in countries that have strict anti-child pornography laws, such as the United States. Some teenagers who have texted "photographs" of themselves, or of their friends or partners, have been charged with distribution of child pornography, while those who have received the images have been charged with possession of child pornography; in some cases, the possession charge has been applied to school administrators who have investigated sexting incidents as well. The images involved in sexting are usually different in both nature and motivation from the type of content that anti-child pornography laws were created to address. (Teresa Edmond (2010-0221). http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/02/20/sexting_teens. NorthJersey.com. Retrieved 2010-05-30)

How to keep pre-teens / teens from sexting?

Although we cannot watch and control everything our teens are doing, you have to try to talk with your teen or tween about sexting. Explain that sexting is illegal and although it might be funny or amusing to his / her friends, kids get hurt (they lose friends, people forward the messages to others and post images on the internet, perverted adults may get a hold of messages and / or pictures, kids get suspended and expelled from school, people that love them will be disappointed, etc.) as a consequence of sexting.

Sexting has become a huge issue among pre-teen and teen kids in the USA.

We have become a nation of parents that are much too permissive, indulgent and trusting of our children. Too many kids are permitted to "hang out" at the mall on school nights. Tweens date and go to the movies without chaperones. Where cell phones were once a necessity for latchkey kids and parents to communicate; they are now a commonality that even elementary school children expect. Think about it! How many kids do you know that have cell phones? How many of those kids spend more time texting than speaking on the phone? How many are under the age of 13 and on Facebook? Meanwhile, parents are much too lax about checking on how their children are using their cell phones ... this is apparent when they get the cell phone bills and most act surprised when they do. Meanwhile, it is now just as common for kids to send dirty jokes and naked pictures by cell phone. 

Sexting is one of those "out of control' teen issues that has partially resulted from our permissiveness, detachment from our children and the age old syndrom of PEER PRESSURE. The sooner we get a handle on it within communities, schools and households, the better off our teens and pre-teens will be. 

Has someone been sending your child sexting messages? Want to share this information with other parents? Send their parent the link to this post by copying and pasting this link in an email message to them: http://motherbabychild.blogspot.com/2011/03/sexting-teens-tweens.html


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child