Talent & Talented | Teaching Children w/ ADHD How To Focus On Education & Talents

My son's craft table ... He says "that's not mess", so I agree it is not :)

This has been "one of those" weeks ... It was not a bad week; we accomplished a lot, though my husband and I were quite busy with so many family, business and household details. This included the kitchen sink breaking again. Our baby was in a walker splashing in 2 inches of water the last time it happened to us. Fortunately, my hubby got the sink fixed quickly this time and with just a few wet towels to haunt me. All of the "things to do" made me feel like we were a "tag team" ... Hum, saying that must mean that my single mom mindset is finally shifting to a married mindset ... working together being the newer concept here :) Regardless, I'm glad to finally have a moment to write a "real" blog post - opposed to just a few quick lines - to keep in touch with everyone.

OK! NOW IS A GREAT TIME TO GET A DRINK AND USE THE BATHROOM ... THIS IS A LONG BLOG POST THAT I WOULD LIKE YOU TO GET THROUGH ALL AT ONCE :)

TALENT & THE TALENTED HAVE BEEN HEAVY ON MY MIND THIS WEEK

Towards the middle of the week, my 12 year old son started getting frustrated with his school work. This is not abnormal for him and is part of the reason why we home school. On the other hand, he is an extremely bright and articulate boy. It is only that the ADHD ... ASD ... ODD gets in the way of progress when he gets in "THAT" mood. He is still doing all right with his grades, though does not have the same enthusiasm for learning as he has had up until now. I feel like he's been worn down by the years of dredging through a traditional educational system. All was well until he went to middle school. I actually moved him from a private school to a middle class public school system because they worked with children that have needs that are similar to his. Unfortunately, we moved to the south and the "rules" changed by Middle School. There were no more small classes, no more personalized lesson plans and classroom aids to assist the teachers, no more caring teachers, more emphasis on passing FCATS then the students learning well, etc.). I decided to home school my son a few years ago, and this is much better for him because our public educational system has no consideration of individuals. The requirements are cut and dry instead of how wonderful school would be if they incorporated better use of technology and the arts for children that are more tactile learners. Not a Waldorf educational system, but with a similar concept. I think THAT would be perfect for kids with ADHD. It upsets me that we have little choice in the matter :(

I am not angry because of what he struggles with daily: focusing, restlessness, hyperactivity and a lot of impulsive Tourette's-Like arguments throughout the day. He is getting better with age despite the teen hormones setting in. What upsets me is that he is capable of doing the school work, though gets caught up in all of his creative projects. I want him to pursue those interests, though not lose sight of the value of education that contributes to the artistic strengths.

The problem is that the ADHD makes it hard to remain focused on academics especially when he is being taught in a way that does not utilize the natural talents. IF TAUGHT THE WAY THEY LEARN (process information), one might think a child w/ ADHD had no problem focusing at all. 

So, when he gets in an educational slump or "too frustrated", as he says, I try to motivate him through different activities. They are unscheduled and not in the home school curriculum, so he gets REALLY excited to hang out with mom this way :) It just so happened that talent and the talented were the motivation this time. It is a subject that is always of interest to him, but has been everywhere that I have been online this week. I can't help but wonder if God is trying to speak to me about it. I know that I need to lift this in prayer, but I am kind of scared to know what it has been about.

Have you ever felt that way? Where you want clarity, though are not sure what "knowing better" will entail? This is where I am at right now ...

Regardless, the point of this blog post is teaching children with ADHD to focus on their education as well as their interests and talents (this applies to kids with related disorders / disabilities, too). In fact, all people need the combination of both in order to see, believe, conceive and achieve their greatness in life. For some reason, my son acts like he does not see that his school work contributes to being the best at his talents / interests, so I am always trying to reach him about it. It is not that huge of an issue at this point because I know that he is being rebellious, but I do not want it to become more of a problem as we are approaching the teen years and school becomes harder ... right now, his viewpoint is similar to his not seeing the importance of cleaning his room. None-the-less, education is obviously important in life.

I turned to YOUTUBE for help with this issue. I do this often with him because YouTube is a site that most pre-teens love to browse. It is filled with talented people that can motivate a youth, though parents still need to supervise at this age because there is a lot of undesirable entertainment there, too. We always come across "raw talent" buried among the millions of videos. We've watched videos that explain his math the way he needs to learn it, as well as children that have taught themselves instruments, clay animation, parkour. There are just tons of tutorials for what he is interested in and this makes education fun for my son with ADHD. I chose what we watched this week, though other times it works out that he takes the lead and shows me his favorites.

We watched this video of a 2 1/2 year old toddler showing that he understood the concepts of physics and chemistry:


We were both impressed and amazed by this toddler's comprehension. This goes above and beyond children who have benefited from Your Baby Can Read and Signing Times; the father obviously works in this field and is training this child to follow in his foot steps. It makes one wonder whether we all have this scientific capability if exposed so young in life.

We also watched the following Jackie Evancho YouTube videos:


Video #1 - Summarizes the first part of her competition.


Video #2 - My favorite of her performances and shares a little about her life.


Video #3 - She returns to sing on America's Got Talent a year after traveling and developing her talent.

Jackie Evancho was the 2010 America's Got Talent 2nd Semi-finals at 10 years old and the top selling classical artist in 2011 at 11 years old. Her Dream With Me album was produced by David Foster and features duets with Barbara Streisand and Susan Boyle. It is beautiful!

What did my son get from watching Jackie Evancho?
The obvious is that she has such a gorgeous voice for such a young girl, but she is also from his hometown. That was cool.

What did I point out?
Well I learned and pointed out a lot by watching this talented child's adventure into stardom, but here are some of the main pointers:

In video #1 she confesses that she practiced a lot for the semi finalists, but in video 2, she explains that she regularly only practices once a day for one hour. This was HUGE for my son. That you can accomplish your goals by just practicing once a day, but I had to explain to him that the reality is that, although she sang for once an hour a day, she had to invest much more time and energy than one hour a day. She had to understand the music she read and sang; she had to learn languages or at least how to pronounce the lyrics correctly in each song; Jackie Evancho also had to learn obedience (to bite her tongue, listen well, follow instructions) and humbleness in order to get that far and accomplish so much towards living her dream. Her home training and academic education was important to her accomplishing her goals.

It is not easy to keep going - be in the spot light - perform on demand, though all of these were necessary for what she wanted to accomplish. I told my son that he has / will have the same requirements in life whether he choose it or not. His education will contribute to more than just the basics (certain subjects permit him to communicate, work and function in life), as well as how to be the best at whatever he does.

Lastly, In explained to my child with ADHD that if he wants to be the best video game player - or - the best skateboarder - or - the best costume designer - or the best props artist - or the best architect OR WHATEVER (these examples are towards my son's interests, but plug anything for your child) ... He better learn to be the best at educating himself in order to accomplish what makes him the best at his interests.

This is much easier said than done ...

It is not as if our educational system teaches our children according to their interests and talents. If they did, more kids would become less bored and detached from their educational process. This is why I like homeschooling so much. It is challenging at times, but there is flexibility even if you use a program that develops the curriculum for you. I think that "the key" for teaching children with ADHD how to focus on their education is to provide them time to focus on their interests and incorporate them into thier individual education plans. Not only does this strengthen their academics, but fosters all developmental areas.

Now, if I could just get the next few years of my son's school subjects into musical composition and the types of video games he likes, I think that would stop the grey hairs from those Tourette's-Like arguments :)

UPDATE - January 16, 2012 - ironically, 60 Minutes featured 13 year old Math prodigy, Jake Barnett, last night. I don't catch this show often, so I was delighted and again, this is another situation of being blatantly exposed to talent as I mentioned above. I am pointing this out because this young man will graduate college by age 14 and enter graduate school thereafter ... he attributes his intellectual talents to autism and is proud to be autistic.


60 Minutes Aired Coverage On Jake Barnett


Behing The Scenes Coverage on Jake Barnett

I suggest that parents of children with Asperger's and ADHD - although different disorders from a similar spectrum - to watch this additional video - ABOVE 2nd VIDEO - and realize that their child's mind is driven by the limbic system which includes memory in cases (yes, even children with ADHD can have this capability, by 2nd son always got As in spelling, so long as he was given the words orally); starts with teaching them how to focus on their education and talents.


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Boy, I Am Not Lois Griffin - Mommy Mama Ma Ma - Take That Game To Your Room!

3H5R8R7UPC3E

I'm not promoting Family Guy, but this little video clip is something that all mothers should see (watch video above) ... Moms, can you relate? I sure can. My baby does this in the mornings while trying to wake us up and sometimes during the day. He gives us a repetitive "da da da da da"and "maaaa maaaa maaaa" ... it is still cute!

This is not the point of my blog post today ...

Babies do this to get our attention because they cannot communicate any differently. They are expressing their need for an adult to help them (pick up, feed, hug, etc.). As boys are maturing, some of them do this same thing to getting a rise out of their mothers (play, show affection, etc.). You have to draw a line and redirect this to the proper verbal and physical actions if you notice that it is happening.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. ~ Psalm 68:5 (NIV)

I was a single mom with my first two boys (until my second son was 10) and my older son used to do this all of the time. Really! Not at the same annoyance level as this "Mommy Mama Ma Ma Ma Ma" that Stewie Griffin is exemplifying in this video, though he did do it well into his 2nd year of High School. By that time, it was a group of boys, spitting chewing tobacco and laughing when I said "ewe" and that I did not want it in my house, as well as numerous other rebellious scenarios. As I think back to when he was a very little boy, there was a crazy number of "booty booty" pinches I received while climbing the steps ... many farts I have ducked from room to room (gave them back to him, too) ... many burping competitions I attended ... sometimes I even received a soft kick in the buttocks (out of the blue) to "grind my rails". I can now burp, fart, catch and flip a leg faster than the average mom because my older son teased and taunted so much. I just took it as the way he chose to show affection, but that it came to an end when he started wanting to wrestle me in his middle school years and then more challenges came in the early teen years.

My boys are like oil and vinegar, therefore I understand that each child is different. Take what you need from my experiences or share with another mom if this does not apply to your family.

My younger son did not do the same. He did not take to burping, farting and whacking me unless he was trying to chime in with what he thought was play between his brother and me. On the other hand, he did try to show affection like this with his older brother. It was not accepted well by the older sibling and this is how I learned that this was an overall problem in our household. Regardless, my middle son was the child in that video. He used to repeat what he wanted over and over and over and over - throughout a day / week / month - even though I said "NO". He always questioned why he did not get his way. He would question until it started a fight with me. I did get this under control while he was in grade school, for the most part, but he still tries to use this tactic to get his way. I nipped it in the bud by letting him know that I am not going to argue with him and then send him out of the room with me (sometimes it is a case of until he has calmed down). He does not dare try to wrestle with me and only goes but so far in arguing a point. This is how it is right now. I will have to update this once he's in high school.

Why do boys do this to mom? Is it a normal part of their development?

As the stereotypes of what a boy or what man should be (depending on the boy child's age) set into their personalities, boys still want the same loving attention from mom. The problem is that some boys think is a "cool" or "manly" to behave as I have explained because they are immature and because some of us let them. They gravitate towards these behaviors instead of just giving mom a hug or snuggling like when they were younger children. My older son did still hug me and want to lay his head on my arm while watching TV on the couch. This was good, but the other actions came across as signs of affection when they were actually inappropriate and I should have redirect the playful signs of affection to the typical ways instead of burping and farting with him or letting him give me "love taps" as he was developing. It was cute at first, though became REALLY annoying and then led to some challenging situations when he became a teen. I used to laugh at it as harmless play and make sure to let him know when he is getting too hyped up or out of line with what is acceptable to me. I should have not laughed and set boundaries when it continued though grade school. I was a single mother at that time and do think that some of his behavior was his showing "love" to me. On the other hand, most often it was his goal to get a rise out of me; my son was testing his position as a male and also boundaries with me. He has always done the same thing to my mother. It is hard to determine whether or not it would have been this way if his Grandfather was there because my step-father died at the beginning of his Kindergarten year. I can share that my younger son rarely challenges like this and it might be the influence of his step-father in his life.

I wanted to share this experience in case you are noticing similar characteristics in your son(s); especially single moms trying to raise boys on your own. It is not that I did not try to turn my son's behaviors into hugs, kisses, conversations about what upset him, etc. It is just that I did not stick with it and thought that feeding into his behavior and playing back was the way to make him hug, kiss and keep the lines of communication open with me. I now understand that a mother needs to get this behavior "in check" as soon as possible else the boy will carry it over to how he interacts with you later in life. You are also putting girls and other female adults (grandmother, teachers, etc) at risk for the same treatment. Although it appears to be playful and expressions of love, it can become a form of manipulation and the way a little boy attempts to control situations and women as he becomes an adult.

Kindly make your son turn those burps, farts, love taps and temper tantrums into hugs, kisses and respectful conversation. Do not play back with him in this fashion because he does not see it as you intend it to be. Send him out of the room and only permit him back when he apologizes and lets it go on his own. Just remember that "I'm sorry" means that we are regretful for an actions and that we do not intend to do it again. Do not let your little boy keep apologizing for the same behaviors ... get some professional help if you notice that developing pattern.

Do you have advice on this subject or a similar situation to share? Let is know in the comment section of this blog post. You will help another mom raise a better man.



In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Pre-Teens, Teens | Boys & Moms

WHAT DO MY PRE-TEEN, TEEN AND I HAVE IN COMMON? BLACK COMES TO MIND ...

Well, since they are my sons, I would have to say that we have a ton of things in common. I am aware of our similarities, but I am sure that I've overlooked some commonalities through the years ... As of today, the color BLACK comes to mind and inspires me to write this blog post for other moms of teens and pre-teens; especially those judging kids dressed in black these days. They are not all Emo, Punk Rock and Goth influenced teens / pre-teens.

YES ... BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK! BLACK!

As I was helping my pre-teen put away laundry and organize his dresser drawers, I noticed that he had SO MANY black items in his room. There are a ton of black clothes, hats, shoes, sheets, pillow cases, comforter, wrist bands, etc) and one pair of white sneakers with red and blue stitching. We just purchased these shoes, so they are a new addition to his wardrobe. Aside of some colorful "hand me downs" from his teen brother, my tween's personal wardrobe selections had really transitioned to dark colors over the years. The black is obviously the majority, but there are a few dark grays, hinter green and navy items. I guess this is not such a big deal to most, but it REALLY got me thinking!!!

"IF YOU DO WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS DONE,
YOU'LL GET WHAT YOU'VE ALWAYS GOTTEN"

Although my older son was adamant about wearing black or navy blue hoodies - instead of a coat - by 8th grade, he has always been on the more colorful side. He did eventually trade in the "all black" and "all blue" hoodies for more stylish designs ... Regardless, the point is that his apparel did not transition too dramatically by middle school and high school years. I do remember his refusing to wear cargo type pants in 6th grade, but he now takes pride when dressing up or in a relaxed style.

WHAT IN THE HECK IS THE POINT HERE ... ?

My point being that there were not dramatic indicators that my oldest son had reached his pre-teen / teen years. I was kind of oblivious to the fact that we would have some REALLY challenging stages throughout those pre-teen and teen those years. He appeared to be the same, colorful, fella from 6th grade to 10th grade ... that is until he began refusing to play the sports that he had always loved. We soon had more conflicts in the home; his activity and friend choices transitioned quite a bit, too. Keeping in mind that he went from private school to homeschooling in the 6th grade and then public schools thereafter, there were obviously a lot of influences in the pre-teen and teen years.

LOL, LOOKS LIKE THIS NEW TWEEN OF MINE HAS BEEN CHANGING SINCE THE END OF 4TH GRADE AND WENT ALL BLACK BY THE MIDDLE OF 6TH GRADE.

My middle son has had a few changes in interests over the past year and a little attitude has peaked since Christmas, but all in all he has been the same to me. I guess it would have been more put he began homeschooling around Christmas ... This has permitted me to keep closer watch on his activities, friend choices and newly developed interests (which have just been few new interests as he has always been rather fixated on the same things). Regardless, he was making some not so great friend choices and showing changes in his interest well before my 1st son started to gravitate to the "darker" subjects, music and trends. Does this mean that his transition in adulthood will move faster, too?

AS I SORTED THE TOO SMALL CLOTHES FROM WHAT FITS, GOT THE SUMMER CLOTHES AND COMPARED WHILE I PUT HIS LAUNDRY AWAY IN THE DRAWERS ...

I noticed that, although my pre-teen has already made some darker choices over the past year and 1/2, those shiny white shoes REALLY stood out to me. I could then see how many other colorful t-shirts he has been wearing over the past 6 months, as well as how many new responsibilities he has taken with stride as we are trying to prepare him for adulthood (yard work, caring for the dog, accepting and wanting to help with his baby brother, not arguing about having to home school, etc).

I FELT SO RELIEVED!!! NOT BLINDED BECAUSE I KNOW THAT THERE IS MORE TO COME, BUT CONFIDENT THAT THIS 2ND RUN WILL GO MORE SMOOTHLY ...

I know that my teen and tween are very different people (oil and vinegar in some ways), but they are my boys and we all have a lot of similarities. I had some rough teen years and never expected that my children would experience the same because I planned to notice and handle things better than my parents. All I can say now is ...

"C'EST LA VIA" ...

I suppose that I better start going though my post pregnancy clothing. I have REALLY taken to wearing a lot of black to slim out the chunky areas and feel more comfortable while getting puked on :) Hum, now that I put it that way ... I guess that I understand "goth" and "emo" a little better these days!!! Meanwhile, I should have remembered because it was "punk" when I was a teen :)

I GUESS MANY "FADE TO BLACK" AT LEAST ONE TIME IN LIFE!!!


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child

Sexting - Teens & Tweens

Breastfeeding has given me the opportunity to catch up on a few TV shows (Top Model, Law & Order, Pawn Stars, Being Human). Meanwhile, I rarely watch TV, so this is kind of relaxing. 

This month, I came across Dr. Phil on the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN). I'd heard a lot about him over the years, though never watched the show ... It's pretty good. Sexting was a subject on the show one night. I had seen the same on Law & Order one night. It was also an issue on Degrassi  (a show that I watch  with my tween). All of them reminded me of the time I busted my oldest son and his friends with some pretty explicit pictures on their phones. I didn't make a huge deal out of it (especially since the guys were hanging at my house and I did not want to embarrass my son), but I did briefly address the indecency of it with them. At that time, I did not know that this type of cell phone message is called "sexting" nor the numerous complications / issues of this trend (illegal, peer pressure, self-esteem issues).

What is Sexting?

Sexting is the act of sending sexually explicit messages or photographs, primarily between mobile phones. The term was first popularized around 2005, and is a portmanteau of sex and texting, where the latter is meant in the wide sense of sending a text possibly with images.(Teresa Edmond (2010-0221). http://www.northjersey.com/news/education/84932002_Parents__students_get__the_4-1-1_on_sexting_.html NorthJersey.com. Retrieved 2010-05-30)

Is Sexting Illegal? What does sexting involve?

Sexting that involves people sending explicit photographs of themselves to their peers has led to a legal gray area in countries that have strict anti-child pornography laws, such as the United States. Some teenagers who have texted "photographs" of themselves, or of their friends or partners, have been charged with distribution of child pornography, while those who have received the images have been charged with possession of child pornography; in some cases, the possession charge has been applied to school administrators who have investigated sexting incidents as well. The images involved in sexting are usually different in both nature and motivation from the type of content that anti-child pornography laws were created to address. (Teresa Edmond (2010-0221). http://www.salon.com/life/feature/2009/02/20/sexting_teens. NorthJersey.com. Retrieved 2010-05-30)

How to keep pre-teens / teens from sexting?

Although we cannot watch and control everything our teens are doing, you have to try to talk with your teen or tween about sexting. Explain that sexting is illegal and although it might be funny or amusing to his / her friends, kids get hurt (they lose friends, people forward the messages to others and post images on the internet, perverted adults may get a hold of messages and / or pictures, kids get suspended and expelled from school, people that love them will be disappointed, etc.) as a consequence of sexting.

Sexting has become a huge issue among pre-teen and teen kids in the USA.

We have become a nation of parents that are much too permissive, indulgent and trusting of our children. Too many kids are permitted to "hang out" at the mall on school nights. Tweens date and go to the movies without chaperones. Where cell phones were once a necessity for latchkey kids and parents to communicate; they are now a commonality that even elementary school children expect. Think about it! How many kids do you know that have cell phones? How many of those kids spend more time texting than speaking on the phone? How many are under the age of 13 and on Facebook? Meanwhile, parents are much too lax about checking on how their children are using their cell phones ... this is apparent when they get the cell phone bills and most act surprised when they do. Meanwhile, it is now just as common for kids to send dirty jokes and naked pictures by cell phone. 

Sexting is one of those "out of control' teen issues that has partially resulted from our permissiveness, detachment from our children and the age old syndrom of PEER PRESSURE. The sooner we get a handle on it within communities, schools and households, the better off our teens and pre-teens will be. 

Has someone been sending your child sexting messages? Want to share this information with other parents? Send their parent the link to this post by copying and pasting this link in an email message to them: http://motherbabychild.blogspot.com/2011/03/sexting-teens-tweens.html


In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child