Starting Over Is Not Easy ... Mother Baby Child Blog

I was over 35 when I gave birth to Baby Max. My middle son was 11 years old and my older son had just turned seventeen. It wasn't easy starting over again ... Mother Baby Child is a blog to share parenting experiences, as well as what marriage is like after being a single mom for so many years. Get info on having a baby, raising children, babies, tweens, teens, homeschooling, mom blogs, work at home mom. business marketing, Christian and celebrity moms blog posts.
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Boy, I Am Not Lois Griffin - Mommy Mama Ma Ma - Take That Game To Your Room!

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I'm not promoting Family Guy, but this little video clip is something that all mothers should see (watch video above) ... Moms, can you relate? I sure can. My baby does this in the mornings while trying to wake us up and sometimes during the day. He gives us a repetitive "da da da da da"and "maaaa maaaa maaaa" ... it is still cute!

This is not the point of my blog post today ...

Babies do this to get our attention because they cannot communicate any differently. They are expressing their need for an adult to help them (pick up, feed, hug, etc.). As boys are maturing, some of them do this same thing to getting a rise out of their mothers (play, show affection, etc.). You have to draw a line and redirect this to the proper verbal and physical actions if you notice that it is happening.

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. ~ Psalm 68:5 (NIV)

I was a single mom with my first two boys (until my second son was 10) and my older son used to do this all of the time. Really! Not at the same annoyance level as this "Mommy Mama Ma Ma Ma Ma" that Stewie Griffin is exemplifying in this video, though he did do it well into his 2nd year of High School. By that time, it was a group of boys, spitting chewing tobacco and laughing when I said "ewe" and that I did not want it in my house, as well as numerous other rebellious scenarios. As I think back to when he was a very little boy, there was a crazy number of "booty booty" pinches I received while climbing the steps ... many farts I have ducked from room to room (gave them back to him, too) ... many burping competitions I attended ... sometimes I even received a soft kick in the buttocks (out of the blue) to "grind my rails". I can now burp, fart, catch and flip a leg faster than the average mom because my older son teased and taunted so much. I just took it as the way he chose to show affection, but that it came to an end when he started wanting to wrestle me in his middle school years and then more challenges came in the early teen years.

My boys are like oil and vinegar, therefore I understand that each child is different. Take what you need from my experiences or share with another mom if this does not apply to your family.

My younger son did not do the same. He did not take to burping, farting and whacking me unless he was trying to chime in with what he thought was play between his brother and me. On the other hand, he did try to show affection like this with his older brother. It was not accepted well by the older sibling and this is how I learned that this was an overall problem in our household. Regardless, my middle son was the child in that video. He used to repeat what he wanted over and over and over and over - throughout a day / week / month - even though I said "NO". He always questioned why he did not get his way. He would question until it started a fight with me. I did get this under control while he was in grade school, for the most part, but he still tries to use this tactic to get his way. I nipped it in the bud by letting him know that I am not going to argue with him and then send him out of the room with me (sometimes it is a case of until he has calmed down). He does not dare try to wrestle with me and only goes but so far in arguing a point. This is how it is right now. I will have to update this once he's in high school.

Why do boys do this to mom? Is it a normal part of their development?

As the stereotypes of what a boy or what man should be (depending on the boy child's age) set into their personalities, boys still want the same loving attention from mom. The problem is that some boys think is a "cool" or "manly" to behave as I have explained because they are immature and because some of us let them. They gravitate towards these behaviors instead of just giving mom a hug or snuggling like when they were younger children. My older son did still hug me and want to lay his head on my arm while watching TV on the couch. This was good, but the other actions came across as signs of affection when they were actually inappropriate and I should have redirect the playful signs of affection to the typical ways instead of burping and farting with him or letting him give me "love taps" as he was developing. It was cute at first, though became REALLY annoying and then led to some challenging situations when he became a teen. I used to laugh at it as harmless play and make sure to let him know when he is getting too hyped up or out of line with what is acceptable to me. I should have not laughed and set boundaries when it continued though grade school. I was a single mother at that time and do think that some of his behavior was his showing "love" to me. On the other hand, most often it was his goal to get a rise out of me; my son was testing his position as a male and also boundaries with me. He has always done the same thing to my mother. It is hard to determine whether or not it would have been this way if his Grandfather was there because my step-father died at the beginning of his Kindergarten year. I can share that my younger son rarely challenges like this and it might be the influence of his step-father in his life.

I wanted to share this experience in case you are noticing similar characteristics in your son(s); especially single moms trying to raise boys on your own. It is not that I did not try to turn my son's behaviors into hugs, kisses, conversations about what upset him, etc. It is just that I did not stick with it and thought that feeding into his behavior and playing back was the way to make him hug, kiss and keep the lines of communication open with me. I now understand that a mother needs to get this behavior "in check" as soon as possible else the boy will carry it over to how he interacts with you later in life. You are also putting girls and other female adults (grandmother, teachers, etc) at risk for the same treatment. Although it appears to be playful and expressions of love, it can become a form of manipulation and the way a little boy attempts to control situations and women as he becomes an adult.

Kindly make your son turn those burps, farts, love taps and temper tantrums into hugs, kisses and respectful conversation. Do not play back with him in this fashion because he does not see it as you intend it to be. Send him out of the room and only permit him back when he apologizes and lets it go on his own. Just remember that "I'm sorry" means that we are regretful for an actions and that we do not intend to do it again. Do not let your little boy keep apologizing for the same behaviors ... get some professional help if you notice that developing pattern.

Do you have advice on this subject or a similar situation to share? Let is know in the comment section of this blog post. You will help another mom raise a better man.

In Motherly Love,
Mother Baby Child


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